..::FUCK::..

Thursday, April 3rd, 2008. Age 24.

2008-04-03T05:43:36Z

I understand the implications of a lifetime. It doesn't last forever and it's dangerous to think otherwise. I decided to start journaling again because my memory has really started to slip. Like all things in life, bad habits, talents, otherwise, all need to be constantly practiced or you simply loose the ability to do what you thought you knew.
I'm sitting in my house in South Minneapolis that I love so much but I only have a month left in.
I broke up with Meredith after over 2 years. I hesitated writing that while chocking back a tear.
I don't know what I was so afraid of when I started this journal. I promised myself that I would only write poetry.
The reason most likely being that I saw this as another trendy internet fad. I sure do wish the internet could just be the internet and stop going through all of these obnoxious fads/ I regress, it's not that bad.
I have to pee so I will finish later.

.:upate:.

2005-10-08T22:41:20Z

I took this pic of me when I was skating at the ARCC skate park, I used my mini tripod and my 10 sec delay, then I edited it wit APS CS2.

.:update:.

2005-09-08T07:06:10Z

I made this pic. Jola found me on myspace a little while ago. We talked on the phone a couple times which was totally awesome. She wanted help with her CSS and design so I helped out. Anyway, that's not the awesome news.
Awesome news:Jola is the coolest. She hasn't changed at all. She has been through so much and it doesn't even show, she is so strong. Hanging out with her was surreal for sure. Jordan and I met up with her and her friends at Shooters. It was tons of fun. I've got a feeling this is not the last time we will see her. Geez, it was like 3 or 4 years since I saw her before last night.
Other News: We are playing a concert in NE at a house party this Saturday [link]
I've been working a lot and school is getting tough just to stay focused.
I am okay.

.:Look|Look!:.

2005-08-30T04:37:05Z

(23:35:20) .:john|smith:.: i cut it all off!
(23:35:39) sara that is awesome!: oh my goodness!
(23:36:41) sara that is awesome!: haha it's wonderful!

.:longboarding|heaven:,

2005-08-18T06:56:52Z

so yeah, that was fucking amazing! We went longboarding in st.paul, found a hot spot! it was amazing!

...alright alright

2005-07-24T01:55:49Z

that last post was childish. I had to vent though cos I felt like shit yesterday. I woke up feeling extra painful. I didn't get to sleep till 5:30 and I woke up at 12:00 to go to my 1st day of work. It was easy as hell. I got bored when I had to greet people, but every hour everyone switches jobs, that took the monotony right out of a shitty situation. When I got home my new mattress was waiting for me. It's a queen and it makes me happy. So I made room for it and now it is a part of my room. Sarah, jordan's ex sara, invited me to a party in mpls tonight. I am going to stay home, I feel like poop. Jordan and his Emily may come over to watch a movie or something. I just played farcry for a little bit, that game is tough. Video games are fun. I work tomorrow. I'm thinking about quitting drinking. I want to, but I don't want to. ... It has always been like that for me. It's not that I need a reason to quit, I need the support, which is hard to find when all of my best friends/family and basically everyone around me accepts it. Ug, I don't know what to do with myself.
Tomorrow is work and I need to pay for tuition and our album is getting closer to completion.
I hope I feel better tomorrow.

elevenbravokid @ 2005-07-23T04:49:00

2005-07-23T09:57:15Z

how fucked up was that! I went to katie what's her fucks house tonight to party....LAME ASS FUCK. the only good time I had was dancing to some MC HAMMER with some old school friends. The worst part of the night was when kari flipped out cos this drunk kid and I were randomly calling people names. We were totally kidding, but I guess with her is was very deep rooted and it mattered what my drunk ass thought. for the record, she was drunk as fuck also. ek, i'm over it already.. I should be since I had to walk 5 miles back to my car with jordan cos katie kicked me out and john tracy was too fucking drunk to drive me back... way to drive me there you ass. I still love john tracy though, and jordan for consoling me. and sort of chris gray, but not really since he made me admit that I have a drinking problem, that hurts.. I am fucked up. Ouch! anywho, I work at banana republic tomorrow at 1:00. I love ogling hot chicks, being single kicks ass, and fuck you too!
p.s
the new motion city soundtrack CD can suck my huge balls, it blows a horses ass.
I will fucking shoot you.

.:yesterday:.

2005-07-03T18:16:00Z

We went to paul's cabin and had a blast! more pics to come.

elevenbravokid @ 2005-06-07T13:00:00

2005-06-07T18:08:08Z

does anyone else's family treat you like you belong in a mental home?

.:busy|bee:.

2005-05-26T17:37:55Z

my sister and I!

Jordan and Emily G!

The last week has been one of the best in my life! I'm happy. Summer is hardcore!

.:what's|new:.

2005-05-20T19:24:13Z

I got a new cell phone. I dunno why, cos I had the money I guess. It's nice! Do you ever feel like the only people that call you are your parents? Maybe due to the fact that my dad loves to talk up all my minutes! Plus he will call five minutes later, "oh I almost forgot to tell you about..." Oh my mom will be calling someone else and be like "..um, Missy?" no mom, this is your son...again. Lol, I can't wait till i'm old. I applied at A & M where Jordan works, I wonder if it will work out ok. I've been talking to susan a lot more. She is coming home in July, and our band is touring to Cali in August. Speaking of our band, we have a live performance tomorrow morning at Radio K studios! I hope is goes smooth, it should. I want to go take pictures now!

elevenbravokid @ 2005-05-09T10:40:00

2005-05-09T15:40:50Z

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Name:
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:	223

Quiz created with MemeGen!

.:low|down:.

2005-05-03T05:27:18Z

Alright alright! Some people have been bugging me to update, so I will.

Last weekend was dope! Friday I partied at Andy’s; we made fun of Angela Smith. It was great. I went to work and it was pretty cool, the band that played was really nice, and I sat in the dark the whole evening sippin on free PBR and cherry cokes with grenadine. I headed back over to Andy’s and they still had their party pants on, so I joined up! I got home around 6:00am. I woke up and headed straight to Emily’s because we had an early rehearsal. It was scheduled to be at 1:00, nobody showed till about 2:15. We played two songs, wrote a new one and then Emily and Jordan ordered pizza. We had all sorts of dip, blue cheese, ranch dressing, sour cream, and papa john’s butter sauce of death. My stomach was giving me hell after that. We packed up and headed to the Red Sea to play. We got there and a band was already playing. Hmm, we got to chill in the van with Braden and his lovely lady. That was a good time; we had a 6 person hog-pile on me. While Braden played his set, which was awesome, I chilled on the side of the stage trying to cure my stomach. When it was time for us to get on stage my health slipped my mind and I didn’t feel ailed at all. The great thing is that when we got on stage the room flooded with people! It was amazing; all these kids were staring at me, so I told some orgy-oriented jokes to break the ice… “Who’s in my mouth!?” That was our first sober show in a LONG time. We all had a ton of fun. I think Half Way To Nothing played after us, but Sarah from the Radio K told me only about 5 people watched them play. I remember them opening for 11 Bravo on our singer’s b-day in Wisconsin. That was 2 years ago I think. We didn’t stay at the venue, we though we were the last band, it was confusing and raining and we all wanted to hangout in a nice comfy van. We unpacked out amps and drum kit and drove to Andy’s to party for a minute. I left his house and went to work at about 11:30, Jake was filling in for me. I didn’t have to do anything; I just stood around and watched people by myself. The band Everclear was hanging out there having beer. The lead singer, Art Alexs-sa-something…, bumped into me in the back parking lot, I think he though he knew me because he was staring at me like he did. I was crept out so I didn’t talk to him. Then inside he did it again, and I was in a people watching groove, so I noticed when weird interpersonal communication was taking place. And this WAS weird. The everclear band left and I packed up all the cables and speakers and went home. On the way home I found a keg tap on the street, so I grabbed it. Sunday I didn’t really answer my telephones, it was quite bliss. I slept in bed all day just trying to relax and catch up on some me-time. Aight, school is coming to an end and I’m looking forward to this summer so much! I can’t wait to work and make money for once, and tour! Holy shit, I think about that every day. And I’ve stated talking to Susan again, she is GREAT! To say the least. But honestly I have stopped dating for a while, I really don’t have time to do it! The time will come in my life where I can settle down, but now is not the time. This whole topic is another blog in itself. I’m done, thanks for reading if you got this far, kudos to you. Love you all.

.:do|it:.

2005-04-14T05:25:43Z

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/BAND reminds me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal

.:new|glasses|day:.

2005-04-12T03:34:09Z

I finally got new glasses today!

.:shit:.

2005-03-31T04:10:43Z

I had shitty day, I just kind of drifted through the time, breathing every now an again. Thanks to all the really good people that called me or im'ed me today, that was quality and it really helped to cheer me up. I have awesome friends.

.:wtf|m8:.

2005-03-24T16:39:18Z

Holy shit I’m hung over! Yesterday, Wednesday, Andy and I started drinking around 4:00 outside Emily’s while playing horns together. Then practiced commenced and the two of us did a beer-bong. Had a couple more beers... then it was off to the venue. We played the Star Bar in columbian heights and the stage was fucking off the hook! The sound equipment was amazing and they had this huge big screen like at 1st avenue, but on the right wall of the venue with a camera pointed at us, it was great I could see my band playing!!! We had a couple beers in the van, it was crazy! When we walked into the dressing room Ben Duchene and his mother, who happened to work there, walked in and Ben gave me my very first bass guitar! I was so outrageously happy! Then he gave us a pitcher of beer and the band split it. We got 12 drink tickets so Andy and I splurged. We played great but it felt like a short set compared to last Friday which was almost 25 songs, last night we played 8 or 9. After making a drunken fool of myself backstage I made a drunken fool of myself in the parking lot. Andy was puking and laughing all the way. He called Emily and was like, "haha, listen to this! Garrb yack yak schelarp" Then he laughed. I got into a dramatic situation with Emily over her boring boyfriend. It was heated. Hmm, then what happened? *thinks* Jordan dropped me off at Emily's parents, Emily was trying to make me eat all this food and she gave me a shit ton of pillows. I slept on her couch and woke up at 7:00. Her parents left so we stole a big bed and tried to sleep, but we were both hung over and feeling achy. While I was brushing my teeth Emily informed me that I was puking in the street, it wasn't logged in my memory. I need to watch my drinking, it's fucking Thursday and I have a math test to study for, icky I feel gross. It's so easy to get torn, especially when the drinks are free. We play at Stubs tomorrow night again. I'm happy to be playing shows all the time, but getting a bit overwhelmed with the rest of my life. I have decided to take a break from girls completely. I have come to the realization that I am WAY too busy and young so I just need to do the things I need to do so that one day, ONE DAY, I can settle the hell down and actually have a chance to share my time and affection. I have realized that I can say no to having a girlfriend. Before I was never this busy and I have NEVER said no thanks to having a g/f. But my life is different now. I've had a lot of crappy relationships and I've been through a lot of dishonesty, too much. I just want to be single for a long time. Will it happen, probably not. Not at this rate anyhow. I still feel that primal urge to always be on the lookout. Agh, life is tough when I can't do what I want. Saying no to pretty girls is hard! Aww well, I'm sure I’ll get a chance to practice...sooner or later. I get invited to a LAN party this weekend! I can't wait, it's gonna be way fun! I'm gonna bring an extra 120 gig hard drive so I can get all the music/movies/apps/porn from Tony and all his friends. Not to mention we'll be gaming for hours. I'm stoked. I went on a bike ride with Troy and his lovely sister yesterday. We stopped at James's house and Christopher G came over. When I got back to the Karkula's I found my car with a large green puddle of antifreeze under it. I filled it back up and then I got some stop-leak and it was fine, scarred me, but its fine now. My mother gave me her neon, but it's in the shop getting new suspension, I'm giving my sister her car back this weekend. Anyway, I work Saturday. I hope I get a chance to lie down.

.:ha|ha:.

2005-03-21T02:31:22Z

This one's for all the suckers who still believe in love.

elevenbravokid @ 2005-03-15T13:04:00

2005-03-15T19:13:28Z

I'm trying to write a short story critique, but I am too high strung. I seriously get all ADD sometimes and can't focus for shit. I have two math quizzes this week, one is online. A 3 page crappy paper due tomorrow. A interpersonal communications test on Friday, show on Friday night at Stubs. On top of all that my m-audio firewire interface just stopped workin :( that thing was $400! Geez.. My father keeps calling me, trying to get help because he is building a movie theater in his basement. His walls are tan and not acoustic treated, I laughed at him. My bike is all fixed! but it's still cold out. :( My mother gave me her neon, but I need to put new struts in, but it's too cold and I have far to many things to do like get Debra G's web page up but the fucking FTP for her host won't work and I dunno what the fuck to do! Jordan picked up a computer from his work, he's giving it to me. That should be fun. His van is tight now, all the doors work great but it needs some exhaust work, I think it sounds cool with straight pipes, he just needs a pimp spoiler! Lol, and a cd player ^-^ I should get back to this paper, I only have the layout done and i'm really wondering how the hell i'm going to pump out 3 pages before the night is over, i have practice at 3:30 too! i'm pretty fucked I think, the short story is only about a page long so my paper will be 3X bullshit. This is the most unorganized post i've ever written. Peace

.:do|this:.

2005-03-15T01:01:52Z

if you're bored do this for me :D
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now that you know me?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?

.:been|busy:.

2005-03-12T23:10:46Z

I've been making web layouts!
here is the 1st one I made: http://k.domaindlx.com/debrag/layout-base.html
and the second, which will soon be www.debrag.com not yet though, the server names have to transfer http://k.domaindlx.com/Ghran/index.html
These are a lot of work, but I'm getting faster and faster at making them. So much fun w/ Imageready CS. I'm getting paid to make this web site too! that makes me happy, I was kinda pissed that I made the www.mnska.com page and ben just kind of though it together and wouldn't let me fix a thousand little mistakes he made. Anyway, my work kicks soo much ass. I love working at Stubs, tonight there is a reggae performer playing, i'm stoked to hear him. My bike is almost finished, but it's too cold to ride. I woke up at 12:00 today and I forgot to eat food, I should maybe go do that. If anyone checks out those layouts, let me know what you think.

.:three|weeks:.

2005-03-08T02:16:34Z

I haven’t updated in three weeks. So much has happened. I bought an LCD flat screen, it’s pretty. I got a new job as sound engineer at Stub and Herbs. Straw Cats played a show that was fun. I found out Angela has better things to do with her time than spend it with me, long story shot I broke up with her. Our practice space got new carpet! Jordan just bought a van! Tour is inevitable! We have a show Wednesday, and comp USA has 512 DDR stick for $37! So I’m gonna go get one.

Last Friday I was sitting at Jordan’s with Angela watching a movie, Angela was being crabby at me all night and I didn’t know why. She got mad at me for taking tickling too far, which I didn’t think was a big deal, but she did, oh well. Angela left Jordan’s without saying anything to me, I thought it odd but brushed it off since I had my 1st night of work in 30 minutes. I checked my e-mail on Jordan’s computer but noticed that Angela left her g-mail account logged in. I noticed that she had five consecutive e-mails from a person named “Dylan”. I wouldn’t have cared normally, but g-mail displays the first sentence in each mail after the person’s name, one read “"youll have to dispose of your current boy toy before i even consider it. UNDERSTOOD!?"
So I read on, and on. Ended up having the worst anxiety attacks in my life, then I went to work, very tense and shaky and sweaty, in tears.
I sent her an e-mail of that quote, but I don’t believe she got it before I finally called her yesterday, Sunday, to let her know that I knew what was going on. I still don’t comprehend why I even put an ounce of faith into that uncompassionate person. Spring break started Friday, ~what a way to start it. Saturday I was so mad and depressed. I went to work and I started training my brother in to do my job incase I wasn’t able to work one night due to playing my own gig. It was way better than the night before. My boss kept giving Jake and I free beers, I would go ask him for one beer, he would give me three. At the end of the night, 2:00, my boss paid us both! I did not expect that at all!
On top of breaking up with Angela I have a bad fever, it won’t stay down at all. I hope I feel a lil better by Wednesday in time for our show. The end.

.:i'm|bored:.

2005-02-15T18:31:51Z

Today is good, I woke up early and studied for my math test. I did WAY better on it than I thought I would. I spent the whole time re-checking every answer, when I get my grad back I hope it's an A+! That's a first for me, usually I just get bored and fill in the blanks and just go on with my life. Valentines was grand! Angela and I exchanged gifts, sort of. I had planned to make her something but I wasn't able to complete it because a door was locked at my school yesterday. I gave her candy though, in a cute heart-shaped box. She gave me a candle, a new studded belt!, a red mug with a heart-shaped handle, a new dictionary/thesauruses!, and a hearts-shaped tin full of candy! She also made me a card that was very, very sweet. After that we went to Perkins and studied for a couple hours, the old people smelled and Angela and I talked about where we stand on abortion. The waitress gave Angela a quarter because I couldn't find one "fast enough" lol, she bought a sticker. I bought her one too before we left. I went home and studied my ass off for a couple more hours last night, then I finally went to sleep. Holy crap batman!--->I forgot to mention last weekend! Party on Friday in Fridley. Good times. Saturday=road trip with band, sat around ghost town (sherburn) MN from 5:30-11:15 drinking and getting restless. we played @ 11:15, it was real fun. We sold a lot of cd's and got paid for playing too. We drank some more at the hotel and passed out. Woke up @8, drove 3 hours back to Emily's, slept at Angela's while she watched collateral and another dvd before that...I forget because I was sleeping. Anyway, I have a dentist appointment today and a paper in English due tomorrow. I'm staying home this weekend, my sister is taking the car. The End.

Your College Life by highfivejunkie

Username

What will you study?

Your Roomate

pickellynn

The Football Player

john_tracy

The Cheerleader

shortnsweet51

The Band Geek

dorksar

Highly involved in their Frat/Sorority

kerryx_321

The Crazy Drunk

angeebee

The College Slut

jakeyoftampa

Your Significant Other

angelasmith

The Creep that sneaks into girl's showers

gutarm

Likeliness you'll graduate: 96%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

.:stout:.

2005-02-07T04:52:03Z

Yesterday was amazing. I drove out to UW Stout by myself. Came to Liz's, we met up with Joe, John T, and Chris Gray and went on an adventure! We went to "Trip Falls". It was tons of fun! I have pictures; I’ll post them on my pic journal. We all started drinking at Liz’s, went to some guys house, drank more, walked to Joe and john's dorm, sat there, walked back to Liz’s and played guitar/harmonica, drank more, watched movies, passed out. Woke up, hung with Liz and lacy came home, it was relaxing to just sit around. Drove home and it seemed a lot shorter than the drive out there, which is odd because for me it's usually the other way around. Anyway, I didn't go home, I just went straight to Angela's and we started arguing, not the yelling kind, the collected kind where you just hate each other, lol collectively. I left because she didn't really want me over, which was fine because I deserved that. I picked up Jordan and we went to the bar where Emily was working. We had a couple beers, I read some homework, and they played the wireless trivia game, Emily beat Jordan. The 3 of us went to Em's new place in dinky town. It looks a lot better with furniture, ha. After checking out the place we drove to our practice space, aka Emily’s old house. We jammed for about an hour, maybe a little more. Andy was drinking with buddies and didn't want to come. Fuck em I guess, I didn't sweat it too much though, not worth getting mad over. We have a show next weekend in bumfuck I don't know where, we're staying in a hotel though, should be a blast. I need to stop drinking, it's making me feel depressed all the time, that and tired, lonely, useless, lethargic, unimportant,... I spoke with Angela when I got home from rehearsal. It was a tad weird. I am crabby, and I didn't want to talk. But I needed to talk, but I didn't. I remind me of a girl somehow. I hope shit is better between us tomorrow, I just feel like all this drama is beyond me. I feel like I've went through this shit enough to know that it doesn't get a whole lot better from here, even if you try to "work it out", it still seems tainted. I don't know what I need/want to do about it. I'm scared to date her "officially", I have my reasons I guess. The answer is still yet to be calculated. School is shitty right now, I need a math tutor. Maybe I'm just in a bad mind set to be thinking about all this. I need a nap.

.:wake|up!:.

2005-02-05T18:16:07Z

Yesterday was fun! The weather was amazing. I had school all day and went to Jordan's, Angela was over they were perching it up. We drove down to Lake Calhoun and it was wet so we couldn't longboard. :(
Jordan said the new walmart parking lot was dry, and it was so we hung out there till it got dark, it was super fun, all these people randomly came and hung out with us while we boarded around. It was fantastic.
I had an online math test I still had to take, so I did it at Jordan's, it sucked and I got very drunk, and it took me 3 hours to take it. I got 5/18. I laughed, but everyone else seemed angry. DEL helped me out and I finished after an hour. This time getting 7/18.
Fuck it I guess. Sarah made me a super awesome bracelet! I'm going to wear it always. Emily moved out to an apartment in Dinkytown. I'm going to Stout tonight. Should be fun!
The End.